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When Stuff Stresses You Out
Stress comes at us from many different directions.
What is stressful to me, may not be to you. I texted back and forth this morning with a son who is very patient with my computer questions. Google wasn’t working for me. I want it to work, and work the first time I touch a button. My kids grew up with a “Well, let’s try this” attitude. Some days I just want to throw this machine away and go dig in the dirt! You don’t want my advice on how to take the stress out of using a computer or making a spreadsheet.
But I can share with you help about de-stressing in a couple of other areas. By the grace of God (and I mean that- He made me this way) I love to organize closets and schedule tasks. Really I do. People come into my home and remark about how peaceful it is. And that was true even when six kids lived in it. So if your stuff and/or schedule is adding unnecessary stress to your life, maybe I can help.
An important first step is to ask the hard questions about what stuff needs to and can GO.
We need to take a good long look at our lives
and see where we can simplify and add structure.
Do we have too much stuff?
My mom had several repeated mantras in our home. A popular one was:
There must be a place for everything and everything must be in its place.
And just for the record, the floor, the counters, and the beds were not considered proper places for things other than flooring, things being currently used and sheets - well, of course people at night time. 🙂
Things belong in cupboards, closets, baskets, bins, hooks, and trays.
(I have a tray on the sofa here beside me that holds all my bible study/devotional books and pens. Another one on the kitchen counter for oils and salt/pepper. Another on the bathroom counter for all sorts of things. A tray gives these things a place.)
I do love stores that sell containers of all sorts - but I am not advocating for the spending of money to store your stuff. I’d like you to think about having less stuff. If you have piles of things around the house, perhaps you have too many things. If there is not a place for something, maybe it doesn’t belong in your home.
When my kids were at home, we had a practice called the 10 Minute Tidy. Before lunch or dinner or just before bed I would give notice that we were going to do a ten minute pickup. And in ten minutes, we could get everything in its place. Occasionally, with permission, a game that wasn’t finished or a lego build in the works was left out. The littlest ones were assigned tasks - blocks in that basket, books on that shelf. The bigger kids usually knew what to do. If anyone finished before 10 minutes, they came to me with a “What’s next?” I thought it was fun - you’ll have to ask my kids what they remember. What we all experienced was a simple peace of not having piles of stuff everywhere.
Can you put away all your kids’ toys and games in 10 minutes? If not, maybe the reason is you have too much stuff. Should you think about giving some things away? Or consider putting some things in tubs and putting them away for a season. Rotate them out - it will be like Christmas in springtime and summer! And thinking of Christmas, it is so hard for us grandparents not to want to give gifts! Consider asking loving grandparents to give gifts of activities and events rather than the next best toy.
There is great reward in children being bored at times. Boredom awakens the imagination - it really does. My kids knew if they came to me and said they were bored, I would find a job around the house or yard for them to do. So they learned to be creative.
Do we have too much stuff on our calendars?
It is not only the abundance of physical items that can add stress to a home, It is the abundance of activities. Do you have leisurely time to sit at the feet of Jesus, to relate individually with each of your family members, to respond to unexpected needs? If not, perhaps you need to take a serious look at what is on your daily schedule.
One of the unexpected benefits of having six kids was the necessity of learning to say “no” to many things. We kept things simple. There was no way we could have six kids each involved in six different things. Church and youth group meetings were non-negotiable. Each child was allowed to participate in one sport per year. (When they got to highschool, that rule was relaxed, but we only promised to be “all In” for their favorite sport.) Again, in highschool some would have another “extra-curricular” activity: music groups, a job, an extra class. Even with these restrictions, it was WORK to keep a calendar straight.
Some things we did that helped.
We had a calendar. It was hung on the wall by the phone (those were the days!). My husband likes to repeat the saying, “A dull pencil is better than a sharp mind.” We wrote down everything! Which, inadvertently, let us see very obviously if there was too much happening.
The basic repeated events around the house always stayed constant. Dad’s day off on Monday. Groceries on Tuesday. Laundry on Wednesday. Never leave the house on Thursday. (A needed measure of sanity I clung to as often as possible) Catch your breath, run errands and get ready for the weekend on Friday. Chores and yard work on Saturday.
Dinner time together was also a non-negotiable. We made that priority first, and then figured out how to work around it. It got harder when the kids hit highschool, but having the practice in place gave us consistency even if someone had to miss every now and then. I would plan 5 meals a week a month at a time. I was not very fancy. Hearty home-cooked simple meals. There was a bit of structure. One pasta night. One chicken. One ground beef. One soup. One Mexican. Planning 5 dinners left room for changes - visitors, invites out, dinner at church, dad ordering pizza. And if needed, grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup filled the menu.
We had a morning “POD of the Day.” POD stood for “Plan of the Day,” so yes, my kids always let me know how redundant a “POD of the Day” was. But we had one every morning. It was a time to set out what was happening that day and what was expected of them that day. As the kids got older, and as they needed to be included, they were part of my and my husband’s “POD of the week.”
I was known for always thinking ahead. Before the car could get into the garage, I would be handing out assignments for once we got in the house. Who unbuckled who, who carried in what, who fed the dog, who started the dinner or who took a shower first . . . .
As you can see, simplicity and structure were gifts to me that relieved a lot of my stress. I did not grow up with FB or Instagram. Thankfully this means I was spared a lot of the angst that comes from thinking your kids are getting behind if they are not involved in multiple activities. I learned yesterday of a young mom whose four year old has four different weekly clubs. No wonder she is tired! Again, down time is a good thing for our kids. And mom, you do not have to be your child’s playmate every moment.
Simplicity and Structure.
However, and it is a BIG however, you are not me. We have different callings, personalities, giftedness, and life situations. And I realize I do not remember all the details of what it was like to have kids all under five years of age. What helped me may not be the answer for you. If it is not, seek out someone who speaks your stress language.
I am not the judge of your faithfulness. We both answer to the same gentle master. My gifts are not without down sides. I don’t suppose there will ever be the perfect answer to living a stress-free life while we live in a crooked world with sinful bents to our hearts and an enemy who wants to distract us from what is eternal. But we have a perfect savior who loves us. He will give you grace to live in peace. Ask Him.