Far From Perfect - Close to My Savior

Along with other uses, this last section in Prayers has become a history of the Lord’s sanctifying work in my heart. This is where I go when I see ugly, deeply entwined, sin in my heart and know I need to talk to God about it.

I used to write out my thoughts and feelings - pages and pages of them. I hoped to come to some kind of clarity. Sometimes I did. Often I just went round and round in circles saying the same thing.

Maybe I have less energy for that now. Maybe the Lord has grown a stillness in my heart. He has proved himself faithful over so many years that I know He is all I need. So I go to him. Compassionate. Gentle. Wise. Merciful. Never in a hurry. He desires my growth in godliness more than I do.

A conversation may go something like this:

“You saw what I did, heard what I said, and know what I thought. I know that in myself I can not do or say or think anything differently. But I want to. I want to be more like Jesus. Cleanse me of the sin that has entangled me by helping me see clearly both its root and its consequences.”

“What is it Lord that makes me . . . . . ?

What false thoughts of you am I believing?

What am I holding on to that I believe I need more than you?

How is . . . . affecting those around me - how is it an affront to you?”

I know that He who began a good work in me will complete it. So I am not desperate for an immediate answer.

I may jot the situation on a sticky note in my journal -

“Anxiety about . . . . “

“Harsh words to . . . ”

“Anger about . . . . “

"Hurt pride because of . . ."

- and leave it there until the Lord gives me time and insight to think deeply about it.

It no longer amazes me that along the way he often brings a verse, article, or sermon to my attention that speaks to my need. Eventually I get to a place where I can write a 1-3 sentence confession and prayer for help. This I record in my journal.

One day, someone may read my journal - maybe a child. They will see that I was far from perfect, but close to my savior.

Journal Resource: Thoughts on Prayers for Myself