Desperate to Forgive

Jesus said we are to forgive our brothers and sisters. Even if we have to do this 490 times! 

Forgiveness is that important. 

I have found that I often have to forgive a person multiple times for the same offense. 

I think I have forgiven, handed it over to Jesus, 

and then out of the blue a flash of anger or a clutch of bitterness fills my heart. 

And it is back to the cross.

The incessant stabbing pain in my chest

lays dormant.

The scar is hidden from all but those

who know me best.

It’s been two years.

Yet like a cruel intruder

a thought creeps in unnoticed.

I feel life drain from my face 

as the muscles tighten.

My eyes stare into an awaken past

that imprisons my mind in a present torment. 

I am weary of remembering.

The peace that is stolen in an instant resists returning. 

The path from anger to forgiveness has not shortened

nor simplified. 

Still, I am desperate to forgive

lest there come a hardening 

that cements me forever further 

from my only hope.

Give me grace - again - to put on 

compassion

kindness

humility

meekness

patience.

And when my complaint cries for justice,

may I forgive 

and be thankful for the mercy

you have given me.